Wednesday, September 12, 2012

Feeling Better

Alright, turns out finally managing to write my way in and out the dragon battle lifted up my spirits. I've figured out some things. One, I'm running for historian/secretary of the Debate Team and joining the National Honors Society. Two, I'll also start volunteering at the Writing Center and local nonprofit organizations. All this should go on my college application.
Then hopefully I get into a university where I can major in Creative Writing/English (general) and minor in Film Studies (or film production).


Also, I talked to this guy I know yesterday, and he kept trying to convince me that my way of viewing life and death is a bit selfish. Because...I...really, I didn't get it. I'm going to try to speak to him again about it, because I sincerely have no idea why he thinks my belief that life is fragile is selfish. He gave me a reason, but I can't remember what it was. I'm trying to beat my brain until it confesses and gives me the information, but it won't. I swear he had a reason for thinking it was selfish. It's so contradictory to what I've always believed that I think I accidentally threw it away from my memory banks since it sounded so irrelevant. And stupid. I mean, I'm the one who thinks that it's important to give sources and opportunities to less fortunate people so they can actually live good lives since THIS IS ALL THEY HAVE. If someone miserable dies and we did not help them be freed of the pain, there's a lot to grieve there, because that someone only had one shot at happiness.

Now granted, the other thing we briefly discussed was the death of loved ones. When Neil Armstrong died, I broke down crying for a good few hours, simply because he's gone. He doesn't get to see human expansion across the solar system, or at least to Mars, he doesn't get to ever know if we find life outside this planet--there's so much he won't see because his existence is no more.

When I spoke to this guy about it, he got really defensive. Yesterday he was asking me what I would do if a child of mine died, or if I were to die and leave children behind, and if so, I would really wish for them to imagine my existence and self was gone forever. I realize a lot of people who lose loved ones and are religious can find comfort in believing there is something more than this, and that those people are not gone forever. I'm glad they believe in something that lessens the pain of losing someone, but that doesn't mean I agree with it. Life doesn't have to be just, and not everything has a silver lining. Losing a child would probably wreck me to pieces, but I can't imagine there being anything that could make it immediately better, let alone something I believe to be an imaginary scenario. I realize it's human nature to always try to find hope in the darkest of moments, but sometimes pain is there and it needs to be felt and things will only become better through a long and horrifyingly painful road.

And why would I chose a set of beliefs just because they're comforting when there's no evidence that they are in any way truthful?

P.S: Also this -
I love what he said about his "film school."


  1. Good on you for getting back in the saddle with the writing.

    I'm confused by why your outlook on death would be considered "selfish" too. It's not like you're trying to take other people's perspectives away from them by saying you don't believe them or don't buy into them or don't find them comforting.

  2. IDK if you've seen this piece on death (It's called "You want a physicist to speak at your funeral")

    This piece was frankly more comforting than any of the things I've heard from a pastor. We've changed the world just by existing. We all share a little piece of infinity with each other.

    Great post! Made me think.

  3. Anonymous8:56 PM

    Can I read it pleeeaase


"Science and science fiction have done a kind of dance over the last century... The scientists make a finding. It inspires science fiction writers to write about it, and a host of young people read the science fiction and are excited, and inspired to become scientists...which they do, which then feeds again into another generation of science fiction and science..."
- Carl Sagan, in his message to future explorers of Mars.