Saturday, October 19, 2013

Internships Might Eat My Soul

...and I actually kind of hope they do.

Now Playing: Nine Inch Nails - The Good Soldier

(Forgive the following nonsense. I'm just trying to map this out).

I miscalculated big time. For some reason, even though FSU accepted my A.A. they didn't exactly seem to take all 60...something credits (64? I can't remember how much I finished with) and so technically, I could be falling behind. I got 6 credits on the summer and 12 this semester, which accumulates to 73 credits. Even though FSU requires 9 credits acquired through summer semesters, I heard students with A.As technically don't have to do that, so I won't need to stay for summer 2014 to get that extra class/3 credits. Which...please, god, let it be true.  I can't keep taking out loans to pay for the dorms and I haven't had a free summer since before 9th grade because of year-round dual enrollment classes.

But because of that, I'm in trouble. If I'd taken five classes instead of four this semester, I'd be in the clear. But I didn't. I sort of panicked so I could take it easy. Which means I still have 47 credits to go. I want to graduate by Spring 2015, which means I'm looking at a variation of this:

Spring 2014: 15 credits.
Fall 2014: 18 credits.
Spring 2015: 15 credits.
Total: 121 credits, cleared for graduation!

GHA. I'm going to dieee. How am I going to handle six classes in one semester, particularly because I'm trying to do a dozen other things?

See, the problem with graduating in two years is how little time I have to get extra credentials, and how young I'm going to be when I enter the work force. Especially grad school. I can't do it. No way. No money and not enough motivation to keep studying for a thousand more years.

Back in orientation, the first time I spoke with my adviser, she recommended I stay for all four years even though I didn't need to. After all, FSU doesn't immediately kick A.A students out as soon as they hit 120 credits. If not, stay at least for three years. She said I might as well get two majors with two minors, travel abroad, do crazy internships in random fields, just spread everything out because nineteen is too young to graduate. According to her and several people, a) I'll be missing a lot of the college experience and b) no job or grad school would want to take someone so young.


I like college so far but I have plentyyy more reasons to graduate early than to stay. One, I'm apparently already in debt even though I'm trying to take as little loans as possible. (And goddammit, why did I take out unsubsidised loans? Stupid impulses). Two, the pre-paid money my parents saved up for me can take care of four years of classes, but my brother only has enough pre-paid to last him for two years. Even though he's also graduating with an A.A, as a biology major with current hopes of becoming a vet, he probably WILL have to get a Masters and PhD. He needs the money more than I do. If I don't use up all the money on my pre-paid, whatever's left will be transferred to his account. And if he gets a scholarship that pays for everything, the money will just go back to my parents, so they'll be able to pay off bills and maybe even finally save up for a house.

And three...I honestly don't care that much about the college experience. I can already hear it: ten years from now, you're going to regret it! You're going to regret not going to parties and being able to live so close to friends and getting to study abroad and a hundred other things.


It's not that I don't appreciate the education I'm getting. My classes have been a delight and I've gotten to meet some really cool people, but I'm not exactly feeling the total liberation that's supposed to come with college. Too many of the opportunities require money I don't have or time I can't waste. Yeah, college is ten thousand times better than high school, middle school, etc, but I'm not in love with it. I just like it. I don't think a long term relationship is really going to work out.

I'm dying to graduate, have my own job, my own apartment (please god, no more roommates) in a super populated city that has more than just clubs, my own money and financial security--which is admittedly not totally possible since my ultimate goal is to be a writer but whatever, it's still my dream!

The only problem of course, aside from the credits thing, is that 19 is really young to graduate. Not only that, two years is hardly enough time to build up credentials that will impress future employers. So what am I planning?

Basically, I'm going to overload myself. I just sent my resume to my school's literary magazine since they had an editorial assistant position open, and I emailed the fashion magazine because they recently opened up positions for writers. And no, I don't really know that much about fashion but I can learn. And I will learn! I hope one of the magazines consider me.

Not to mention, I recently found that a ton of literary agencies allow for virtual/distance internships. Since the agencies pretty much need people to read through slush piles, some partials, write reader reports, etc, it means the English department will let me earn credits if I get hired.

That said, applying is intimidating. My resume is kind of...boring-ish, I don't know the first thing about writing a cover letter, and some of these agencies ask for the last few books I've read. I can just imagine the thoughts of the person going over that list: "Mediocre YA, cliche fantasy classic, mediocre YA fantasy, book from a literature class, cliche sci-fi classic, another cliche sci-fi classic, unknown book assigned from another literature class, more YA, and cliche sci-fi classic"

I should really expand the genre of books I read.

But getting an internship for next semester might be a dream come true. Especially if I get the workshop class I want and an editorial assistant position for the magazine!

Sigh. I guess I know where my luck lies, and those three things probably won't happen. So for now, here's what I think I should do: ideally, Spring 2014 I'm taking two lit classes (signed up for), Hispanic cinema (also signed up for), 4000 level Fiction Workshop (ughhhh gotta go through loops to get approved and signed up for), internship at a literary agency, and a position with one of the magazines.

Sadly, that probably won't happen, so I'll plan accordingly. If I don't get a position in one of the magazines, I'll add an extra class, probably Chinese or Japanese cinema. If I have the internship, that'll be 18 credits.

For sure, if I don't get the internship, it won't matter if I get to work for one of the magazines, I'll add the extra class nonetheless to end up with 15 credits. Plus, I refuse not to get that workshop class. If fiction technique won't take me this semester, I'll force my way into a non-fiction workshop.

And that's the plan.

Oh god wish me luck.

On lighter news, I got my NaNo page updated. I had to change my hometown so not to get bombarded with messages about NaNo events going on in Miami and found some pleasant, local upcoming parties. I'm still sketchy about Tallahassee since everything except clubs and burger places close after 6 p.m on weekends and Friday night and being underage, broke, and in fear of the Freshman 15 means I can't enjoy those things. But turns out the place where the Tally NaNo kick off party is going to happen is like a ten minute walk from my dorm. And it's not on a super scary street. And I've been there before. Woohoo! I'm excited, but also getting a little restless. October's been a busy, stressing month. I can't wait for NaNo and Thanksgiving and then just two weeks left before the semester is over.

I really miss Miami, especially the public transportation. When I get back for December, the first thing I'm doing is taking the bus to Downtown, going around in loops on the metromover, then walking through the lovely Brickell district to go visit my mom at her job.

And maybe I'll get to live in that neighborhood some day.

(HAH, with what money?)

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"Science and science fiction have done a kind of dance over the last century... The scientists make a finding. It inspires science fiction writers to write about it, and a host of young people read the science fiction and are excited, and inspired to become scientists...which they do, which then feeds again into another generation of science fiction and science..."
- Carl Sagan, in his message to future explorers of Mars.