Thursday, February 13, 2014

Indecisive

Yeah. Growing up. Turns out I'm really bad at it.

Today my room assignment thing opened. I really, really wanted an apartment style dorm for one. Kitchen, bathroom, bedroom, living area ALL to one person. It was a little expensive, but I figured it was worth it.

But of course those rooms were no longer open--particularly with so many graduate students living here next semester. (Damn grad students without apartments. I hate you all for no apparent reason Dx). I was left with a choice: get a single room in a community dorm with a floor bathroom (and a floor kitchen), get a cheap, old apartment with one bedroom for two people, or go to the expensive dorms with single rooms but three to four people per apartment.

So there I was, at 2:30 pm, exactly when my room assignment window had opened up. And I tried to decide.

And this happened:

I kept picking and then picking another one, and then picking another one and then texting some people, and then picking yet another one. And yes, it did take me almost a whole hour. It probably didn't take me another hour because I called my mom and she was like, "just take the fucking single room."

Well okay. She didn't curse (and she smacks me if I use that kind of language). She was actually really nice and sweet about it, and made me think that the extra expense technically wasn't too terrible. (It adds up about $2,000 dollars to my total--but I graduate 2015 so I'm finishing school with less than 9k in debt.) I went through with it in the end--and will undoubtedly piss off the friend who wanted me to share a room and apartment with her--but I'll be happy in a room all by myself. I haven't had one since I was eight, and that was only for a couple of months. I want my spaceeeeeeeee.

But...The fact that I couldn't come to that decision on my own is pissing me off. I need to be able to do things on my own and to stop being so indecisive. In fact, I'm still not sure if it's worth it or not. I'm graduating with a Creative Writing degree for heaven's sake--what if I don't get a job six months after I'm out of school? Will I be able to pay off everything? Will I ever stop relying on my parents? I want to help them--they don't even have a house of their own because of us kids. But I can't do that with no job and a ton of debt.

I'm gonna go stick my head underwater and scream. For many, many hours.
~Becky
"Science and science fiction have done a kind of dance over the last century... The scientists make a finding. It inspires science fiction writers to write about it, and a host of young people read the science fiction and are excited, and inspired to become scientists...which they do, which then feeds again into another generation of science fiction and science..."
- Carl Sagan, in his message to future explorers of Mars.