Monday, April 21, 2014


Now Playing:
(Wrote a good chunk of this post with Hannibal since I couldn't get to a computer till right now.)

Being without my laptop and having finished all my essays has left me at an odd place, especially now that the semester's coming to a close. After I was done with all my homework, I decided to keep writing my novel in the little red leather notebook my friend Carla gave me for my birthday.

Ten days of writing and I had taken up this much from it:

Whether that's a lot or a little to some people, it did make me give myself the goal of finishing the journal before semester ends. And the way it's all going, I don't think this is too much of an impossible feat.

I haven't written a novel in longhand since 8th grade, where I spent most of my days avoiding eye contact and scribbling down The Band. In terms of characters, plot, prose, etc, it was a piece of shit then and it's a piece of shit now, but sharing it with Yaziris and Danielle, and looking forward to adding a little bit more every day made it probably one of the funnest things I did that entire year. It's almost the same now with Millennium Girl (note: have I even mentioned the title of this book before?). Admittedly, I do miss typing on a keyboard--in fact, not gonna lie, 90% of the reason I'm even writing this post is so I can type. But there are benefits to writing it all in the notebook. Adding notes and angry comments at myself is so much easier. And fun! I've been color coding it with shaved up pieces of chalk and my eyeshadows. (Because I'm too cheap for regular coloring stuff, apparently.)

Immersing into it is pretty easy, but it also gets...a little out of hand. Last Thursday, I was at a really important scene, probably the most important thing in the novel because it's the primary catalyst for Lilith's change. And I was a jittery mess trying to get it all down. I know I have to add more and fix a ton during revisions, but it was still pretty intense for me..

And then things got..weird. Like, the "I feel dirty" level of weird. (Which I blame on the Game of Throne song playing now since I was listening to it then). I sort of always knew Lilith and Ansel had a...dysfunctional...relationship? (Good god, no, that's not the word I want to use). But it's never been sexual. Then that scene happened and I felt like there was this really disturbing subtext that I hadn't picked up before. Don't know what I'm going to do with it now. Hmm...

Another thing: not having Luna with me means I have no idea how far into the novel I am. I'm so used to using a word count to get the general pacing of a story going that this handwriting thing is throwing me off.

Then again, I have no idea why I'm trying to convince myself seeing the word count would have made a difference. Ataraxia got so out of hand even whilst writing it I could tell some scenes were going on for too long. Maybe hastily trying to make the pen move as fast as my thoughts didn't really make it all that differently. Only thing to note is that my wrist hurts, and I blew through three pens and more than half a leather notebook in less than two weeks.

I kind of hate and yet love to think about all I still have to do. There's so much wrong in that manuscript. I hate so many parts of it already and yet I'm so happy at having found Lilith and Wendy. (And the other weirdos, I suppose). I have to change the opening because turns out I'm the last person in the world not to know "character running away from something" is a cliche opening. How could I have avoided all the usual cliches--waking up, battle scene, looking in a mirror, etc--and yet still managed to utterly fuck that up? >_<

I have to clean up Yukiko's and Vincent's characters, have to delve more into the back story and mythology, add more concrete descriptions of the city, move them around from just the two default settings, and expand.  Oh god. Expand. So. Many. Scenes. GHAAAAA.

And yet, I'm super excited. Once I type up and add everything that needs to be added, I'm gonna go to Staples or something and get it printed and bound, then put it away for at least three weeks, and then delve back in with a red pen and coffee. Lots and lots and lots of coffee.

I'm finally going home this Friday. (Well, Saturday morning, Friday night). I'm kind of stressed out because packing and storage, but excited to be done and have the summer all to myself. I didn't exactly get very lucky with the internships and job searches, but I'm childishly happy about that. I want one free summer so I can work on Millennium Girl or whoever else comes attacking my thoughts and dreams within the next few months.

Also, I can probably properly get back to the weekly challenge >.> Man, I'm terrible at these...


  1. The keyboard is an eloquent invention that can’t be topped. And I have this strange way of holding a pen which breaks my thumb after five minutes.

    P.S. You’re going to have the best summer ever.

    1. D8 sounds...painful.

      (And yay! I sure hope so).


"Science and science fiction have done a kind of dance over the last century... The scientists make a finding. It inspires science fiction writers to write about it, and a host of young people read the science fiction and are excited, and inspired to become scientists...which they do, which then feeds again into another generation of science fiction and science..."
- Carl Sagan, in his message to future explorers of Mars.