Wednesday, May 14, 2014

How I Waste My Time >:(

Now Playing:
It's like one in the morning. I've spent the last hour and a half playing with these three (1) dress-up (2) games (3) and then promptly formatting the screenshots into one pretty picture on Paint. >_> I do these things when I'm bored senseless or can't seem to write. Right now, it's sadly the latter. I scribbled down a version of this important scene in my notebook a few weeks back, but on paper and ink it's super short and vague. Now that I'm transcribing everything, I have to expand it, focus on more details, keep the emotion just right, etc.

And I'm...like...petrified. Both out of fear that I'm not going to get it right, and out of doubt of how graphic or disturbing I can or should make it. I'm not one for gratuitous violence/gore/horror, but this whole scene is suppose to be traumatizing as hell for Lilith. (My sweet immortal. I'm sorry Dx. The turn of the story demands it.)

So instead, I played around with dress-up games. Boom! Courtesy of Rinmaru.

Wendy, Lilith, and Yukiko
It took forever to get those tiny scars on Lilith's face. It's like...a million times worse in the actual story, but it also happens after this scene. Which is why I'm flailing around. UNEASINESS LEVELS RISING.

I did figure out a reason for the weird way my descriptions sometimes get when Lilith and Ansel are physically interacting. I read somewhere that sometimes when people go through something traumatic--like a car crash--it feels like the world starts running in slow motion. But it's not because your perception of time is changing through adrenaline or whatever. It's because your brain is storing more memories, so when you think back and remember all the little details, it feels like it all went down slowly.

I'm thinking that's what's happening with Lilith. When Ansel gets close to touching her, she's in such terror she feels and hears and sees his every move. Nothing escapes her. So it's not so much that Ansel is pulling me into his thoughts, it's that I'm seeing it as Lilith sees it.

Which I like to think is the reason I end up feeling so uncomfortable. I'll have to check, wayyy down the line, with beta readers to see if it's the same for them. It might be too underwhelming to them or they just don't notice it at all. Maybe I feel it more because I'm too deeply attached to the characters. Or it comes across as just right. (It can also be even more disturbing, which I'm totes fine with. Overwhelming is fine. Under is not).

Okay. I will force myself to write this. Somehow. Someway. Gha! I'm so worried. I'm so sorry Lilith I love you don't hate me Dx.

Despite this, I am weirdly happy with Millennium Girl. Mostly because of Yuki and Wendy. I adore those two so much.
~Becky

*I can't find the original recording of this song, just live footage and slightly altered uploads. It's so annoying! @_@ I might put up the version I have on YouTube or something. It's too good not to be heard D:<
I can't believe I hadn't realized Enrique Bunbury was the lead singer of Héroes del Silencio. In my defense, he had short hair for a while. So...not my fault.
EDIT: Wait, I think I FOUND IT. 

3 comments:

  1. Oh no, I'm going to be stuck for an hour in these making a Game of Thrones character.

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  2. @Drake: ....I should do that @_@

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  3. I like the representations you chose! I get caught up playing with silly games too. :)

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"Science and science fiction have done a kind of dance over the last century... The scientists make a finding. It inspires science fiction writers to write about it, and a host of young people read the science fiction and are excited, and inspired to become scientists...which they do, which then feeds again into another generation of science fiction and science..."
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