Thursday, May 14, 2015

BRB having crisis #5

Now Playing: Peter Murphy - A Strange Kind of Love

I don't think I'm taking graduation stuff too well.

I started looking for jobs like the day after I came back home, even though I don't even have a copy of my diploma yet. I somewhat got a phone interview, but it was somewhere too far away and I wasn't too sure about the job in general. In the last few days I've been freaking out, have cried a little, started to wonder where my life would lead, contemplated taking a maid job or something to pay back my loans, wondered why I hadn't gotten emails or regular mail or whatever about said loans, tried to decipher what I was going to do now, how fast someone can learn how to drive, where I would have to go in the city and what buses to take to certain parts-

And my dad has been like, "You graduated like a week ago."

Yeah. Most of the panic happened last Monday. Before I even got my grades in for the semester. (Straight A's! Suck it, Doubt-From-The-Beginning-Of-The-Term. Yes, even in that workshop class. I still can't believe it).

I'm applying. I'm seeing friends. I'm reading a lot--listening to a few audiobooks while I clean and wander around. I'm going to the gym. I'm trying not to panic. I'm writing. I'm playing Destiny as a Bladedancer and slaughtering everyone in my path. (It's aweeee-some. Hunter masterrace).

Writing wise, I've done a couple of things. VE is starting to feel like a doorstopper. I'm 85k words in, and I don't remotely feel close to the end. There's still a chance I'll finish at, say, 110k words or something. But it could get way farther than that. 150k is danger zone for an adult sci-fi novel.

A part of me wishes I had the luxury to write an epic. I want to write up a 250k word manuscript one of these days. But it has to feel justified, not like I felt so enamored by certain sections and ideas that I just rambled on for ages. It's why I can't let Exodus get that far. It'll mean I'll start to lose control of the story and editing the useless stuff out will be all the more difficult.

So we'll see where that takes me...

Revision wise, I did decide on something. I'm going to make Millennium Girl take place in Chicago.

The first time I wrote it, I set it in Generic Metropolitan City #248932 and didn't really think about it that much. The problem is, Urban Fantasy is very much ingrained in the place you pick and how your characters interact with it. Out of laziness, I was going to make it take place in New York City, probably Brooklyn or Manhattan or something, but I'm so sick and tired of seeing NYC in every single genre and story and book and movie and tv show imaginable. Granted, Chicago is a pretty popular place too, but my hands are kind of tied given what I've already written. I needed to set it in a big city where people, you know, actually walk around and stuff since Wendy, Yuki, and Lilith don't own cars.

I'll have to figure out some other logistics later, and of course I'm doing major rewritings of the beginning, but I'm moving forward...slowly. Still hoping I'll meet my own dumb, self-imposed December 12 deadline.

I have some hope regarding my writing. I mean, yeah, like I said, I'm starting to fear the fact that VE is going to be a total doorstopper and I haven't even started the rewrites of MG. But I did improve a bit in the two years I was in university. And it wasn't just because of the workshop classes, it was also because I actually sought out outside critique from beta readers online. I thought I was going to get a C from that workshop class I was complaining so much about before, a I didn't! Last day of class, righttt as my professor was handing me back my papers, she said, "I really enjoyed reading your remixes this semester."

Say whatttttt.

I got the impression for ages that she just didn't think anything of me and she just kind of forgot about my work ten seconds after I turned it in. But on the remixes, I got 10 points on all but one--and the one I didn't get a 10 on was a 9.

That' was awesome. I excel at something! And I guess that means I'm a pretty good imitator D:<

It doesn't mean I'm ready to publish anything. It just means on days where I feel terrible, I gotta remember I'm not terrible at the written word >_> And I did get an A in the class in the end :D

So I'm trying to stay positive, despite the post-graduation fear, and since I suck at updating this blog without some incentive, I googled around for another blog challenge. I found a 30 day one, but I'm too lazy to do one of those, so I'll just convert it into another 30 week challenge.

I found it here and I'll hopefully get started on it sometime next week.

See you guys then,

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"Science and science fiction have done a kind of dance over the last century... The scientists make a finding. It inspires science fiction writers to write about it, and a host of young people read the science fiction and are excited, and inspired to become scientists...which they do, which then feeds again into another generation of science fiction and science..."
- Carl Sagan, in his message to future explorers of Mars.