Wednesday, November 9, 2016

I fell asleep at 9, when there was still a chance, because my chest was starting to ache. I didn't want to have to find out slowly.

But I woke up at midnight and checked the updates. Not good, but maybe there's a chance, maybe there's a chance.

Fell asleep and woke up again at 2 in the morning. By then it was official. It hurt more than I thought it would.

I was walking out of my room this morning, getting ready for work, trying to pretend I wasn't fucking terrified. Then I saw my dad in the hallway and I hugged him and he hugged me and I burst out crying.

I'm still crying. I don't know why I ever thought this country--a country I chose to be part of, a country I came to love--would do anything today except dissapoint me.

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"Science and science fiction have done a kind of dance over the last century... The scientists make a finding. It inspires science fiction writers to write about it, and a host of young people read the science fiction and are excited, and inspired to become scientists...which they do, which then feeds again into another generation of science fiction and science..."
- Carl Sagan, in his message to future explorers of Mars.